Ever met someone who’s nice enough, but only if you catch them at just the right moment? Welcome to the world of “Imperative People” – the Barney Fifes of our daily lives. If you’re scratching your head wondering who Barney Fife is, treat yourself to some Andy Griffith Show reruns. Trust me, you’ll get it.
What Makes Someone “Imperative”?
Imperative People are those folks who have an overwhelming need to win every discussion. They’re the conversational equivalent of a steamroller, flattening any idea that doesn’t align perfectly with their own. It’s not that I don’t appreciate my Imperative friends; it’s just that interacting with them feels like a constant choice between getting steamrolled or summoning the energy to nudge the conversation back to more balanced ground.
Now, I don’t have any fancy research to back this up, but I’d wager only a small percentage of people fall into this category. Their primary goal? Emerging victorious in any debate, regardless of the topic. It’s like they’re playing a perpetual game of “King of the Conversational Hill.”
The Fear Factor
Here’s the kicker: fear is the puppet master behind Imperative behavior. Like all of us, Imperative People grapple with fear, but it manifests uniquely in their interactions. Their fear of loss – be it relational, financial, or spiritual – compels them to assert dominance in conversations, often at the expense of others’ contributions.
The Exhaustion is Real
Being around an Imperative Person is like running a mental marathon. They consistently require others to expend time and energy to correct or challenge their assertions. It’s no wonder people start to pull away; most of us don’t have the stamina to continually set the record straight.
When Professionals Go Imperative
I’ve learned the hard way to avoid professionals with Imperative tendencies. Their lack of humility can lead to serious mistakes. I experienced this firsthand during a significant medical catastrophe (which I talk about in my book, “The Day I Died”). It was a stark reminder that even certified professionals can fall into the Imperative trap, with potentially devastating consequences.
Navigating the Imperative Waters
So, how do we deal with these conversational juggernauts? Here are a few tips from the trenches:
- Take a Chill Pill:
Listen more than you speak. I know, it’s a tough habit to cultivate, especially if you’re over ten and set in your ways. But trust me, it’s possible to tone down those imperative tendencies by making a conscious effort to listen.
- Humble Yourself:
Remember, the root problem is fear, often disguised as certainty and arrogance. Admitting you’re not always right and being open to others’ perspectives can work wonders for your relationships and leadership skills.
- Trust Empirical Evidence, Not Fear:
When engaging with Imperative People, steer the conversation towards facts and data. It’s like throwing a bucket of cold water on their need to win.
A Word to the Imperative
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Hey, that sounds like me!” – don’t panic. Consider this an invitation to visit the same reality as the rest of us. Your voice will only grow in effectiveness and power when you learn to balance your assertiveness with genuine humility and openness.
Remember Forrest Gump’s wisdom: life is full of unexpected insights from the most unlikely sources. If you ever feel like the smartest person in the room, it’s time for a reality check. Either listen more intently to those around you or find a room where you’re not the smartest – humility is key.
The Path Forward
Navigating relationships with Imperative People is undoubtedly challenging, but with the right strategies, you can maintain your sanity and foster healthier, more balanced conversations. It takes patience, persistence, and a willingness to bring discussions back to a fact-based dialogue.
So the next time you encounter an Imperative Person, take a deep breath, channel your inner zen master, and remember: behind that steamroller exterior is just another person grappling with their fears. With a little understanding and a lot of patience, we can turn these challenging interactions into opportunities for growth – for both parties.
